I was 20, doing my under-graduation in computer science and engineering. Being a voracious reader and an ardent movie buff, I was filled with ideals, role models and goals. I decided that by simply learning subjects in colleges, nothing is going to happen. My ideas can never be achieved. I can never be like those heroines in female-centric movies. I decided to do something that suited my interest. I finalized that teaching kids is my area!!!Woow!! I must find some way to achieve this .Then I saw an advertisement of Make A Difference. Without hesitation applied for it, attended the interview and got into that prestigious NGO.
My role as a teaching volunteer in MAD was to teach orphan kids English. I also had the privilege to become the mentor of that orphanage which gave me an upper hand with the management of that institution. Right from childhood, I had an innate call for teaching which I might have got from my parents and grandparents. I felt I had enough patience, expression and communication skill because of which teaching did not make me stressed up; rather gave me happiness and satisfaction. Going all the way from my hostel to the orphanage for teaching gave me a sense of pride, a sense of responsibility. My confidence raised as days passed by. Also the relationship with my kids as well as the orphanage authorities strengthened. I could easily be friendly with my co-volunteers as well. Things were going so smoothly. Gradually I started to be over-confident over my teaching skills. My sense of pride went to an extend which made me feel so superior. I began feeling that as a teacher, I am the best.
There was one boy in my class named Lijo. He was studying in his 10th grade then. He was the eldest among my other students who were in classes 5 or 6. Instead of showing maturity, Lijo was a constant headache to me. A very hyper active boy who never listened to anyone's words. I generally ignored his actions since I never wished to be a rough and an arrogant teacher whom the students are afraid of. He used to disturb not just me but he tried to disturb other kids also by showing his restlessness or by pinching or taking their pencils. Again, as a 'patient' teacher, I never scolded him or advised him. But, there came one day when I saw him breaking the ruler of another kid, I came out of my veil of patience and began yelling at him. I lost all my senses and scolded him. Once I cooled down and came back to my normal self, I looked at him with so much of pain at heart. But, his reaction was something which was completely unexpected. He was playing again with the ruler as if nothing has happened at all. That made me lose my temper once again and I shouted at him more fiercely than before. Still it did not shake him. I felt totally exhausted and left the class.
Then the whole day I kept thinking about that incident. I couldn't sleep that night. It disturbed me a lot. I realized that not just the scolding disturbed me, but the way I had modeled myself was broken. My whole self-respect was shaken. Also the reaction of Lijo was shocking to me. I felt totally void. Totally directionless. I felt ashamed and immature. I decided, no, I should never be rude like this. And my agenda next was to be friendly with Lijo and to capture his love and trust.
From the coming week onward, I showered Lijo with love, praises , care and affection. It went for about 3 weeks. Again he reacted as if nothing is really happening. My unusual exhibition of love also didn't bother him and he never welcomed any of my affectionate gestures. My depression exaggerated to an extend that completely shook me and my only goal became to be friendly with him.
I could not sleep well and could not concentrate on anything else. I got obsessed with the thought, Lijo must respond to me. I realized to know Lijo better, I need to know him, understand his background. Yes. I went to the orphanage and met the management the very next day and inquired about him. When I heard his story, I felt like being torn apart. My body went dump. I felt a mixture of unknown emotions which made me choke. I wondered how a child could face so much hardships and still survive? Sleeping inside a shell of love and security, I never actually envisaged the plight of other children who were denied all those. I always was aware through books, interviews and media about the problems of under privileged children, but listening to his story made me experience it, take it as my fate and in an instant I could feel all the pain which he might have suffered. My eyes were filled with tears. I could see the faces of his tiny little sister, his lone mother in her death bed. The destitute Lijo who had to take the responsibility of his life as well as his sister's, wandering for a day's meal. I could feel his trauma when he felt his sister whom he had kept close to his heart missing, his endless search for her, his limitless tortures. The heaviness of my heart and body increased to such an extend that I started shivering, palpitating. With great struggle, I held back my tears and came back to my senses. But, that day was my day of transformation, the day of shedding my ego, the day I faced the pain of others, the day I realized I am not different from Lijo, we are the same, his pains are mine too, the day I felt oneness with everything and everyone.
With a mind full of unconditional love and affection I approached small little Lijo everyday in the evening. As if he could feel my genuineness, he came close to me as each day passed. He let me embrace him, cuddled in my arms like a sweet little puppy, the unmanageable, careless, spoiled boy became an embodiment of love to me. He sang for me, he plucked flowers for me, he studied to his level best for me. An unseen bond developed within us.
Finally, the day came when I completed my course and had to leave to Chennai for my job. There was no heaviness while parting Lijo. He too was composed. May be he had had enough from his life and this separation felt nothing to him compared to his other pains.He kept looking me as I walked away and smiled with a deep understanding that there really exists no farewell when the love is unconditional. Daily calls or daily visits are not required for siblings who have felt the oneness. Again the thought reiterated in my mind, he and I are one. And as he diminished as a spot in the vicinity of my eyes, I turned back with immense trust in him and in his life, my real teacher, my Lijo.
My role as a teaching volunteer in MAD was to teach orphan kids English. I also had the privilege to become the mentor of that orphanage which gave me an upper hand with the management of that institution. Right from childhood, I had an innate call for teaching which I might have got from my parents and grandparents. I felt I had enough patience, expression and communication skill because of which teaching did not make me stressed up; rather gave me happiness and satisfaction. Going all the way from my hostel to the orphanage for teaching gave me a sense of pride, a sense of responsibility. My confidence raised as days passed by. Also the relationship with my kids as well as the orphanage authorities strengthened. I could easily be friendly with my co-volunteers as well. Things were going so smoothly. Gradually I started to be over-confident over my teaching skills. My sense of pride went to an extend which made me feel so superior. I began feeling that as a teacher, I am the best.
There was one boy in my class named Lijo. He was studying in his 10th grade then. He was the eldest among my other students who were in classes 5 or 6. Instead of showing maturity, Lijo was a constant headache to me. A very hyper active boy who never listened to anyone's words. I generally ignored his actions since I never wished to be a rough and an arrogant teacher whom the students are afraid of. He used to disturb not just me but he tried to disturb other kids also by showing his restlessness or by pinching or taking their pencils. Again, as a 'patient' teacher, I never scolded him or advised him. But, there came one day when I saw him breaking the ruler of another kid, I came out of my veil of patience and began yelling at him. I lost all my senses and scolded him. Once I cooled down and came back to my normal self, I looked at him with so much of pain at heart. But, his reaction was something which was completely unexpected. He was playing again with the ruler as if nothing has happened at all. That made me lose my temper once again and I shouted at him more fiercely than before. Still it did not shake him. I felt totally exhausted and left the class.
Then the whole day I kept thinking about that incident. I couldn't sleep that night. It disturbed me a lot. I realized that not just the scolding disturbed me, but the way I had modeled myself was broken. My whole self-respect was shaken. Also the reaction of Lijo was shocking to me. I felt totally void. Totally directionless. I felt ashamed and immature. I decided, no, I should never be rude like this. And my agenda next was to be friendly with Lijo and to capture his love and trust.
From the coming week onward, I showered Lijo with love, praises , care and affection. It went for about 3 weeks. Again he reacted as if nothing is really happening. My unusual exhibition of love also didn't bother him and he never welcomed any of my affectionate gestures. My depression exaggerated to an extend that completely shook me and my only goal became to be friendly with him.
I could not sleep well and could not concentrate on anything else. I got obsessed with the thought, Lijo must respond to me. I realized to know Lijo better, I need to know him, understand his background. Yes. I went to the orphanage and met the management the very next day and inquired about him. When I heard his story, I felt like being torn apart. My body went dump. I felt a mixture of unknown emotions which made me choke. I wondered how a child could face so much hardships and still survive? Sleeping inside a shell of love and security, I never actually envisaged the plight of other children who were denied all those. I always was aware through books, interviews and media about the problems of under privileged children, but listening to his story made me experience it, take it as my fate and in an instant I could feel all the pain which he might have suffered. My eyes were filled with tears. I could see the faces of his tiny little sister, his lone mother in her death bed. The destitute Lijo who had to take the responsibility of his life as well as his sister's, wandering for a day's meal. I could feel his trauma when he felt his sister whom he had kept close to his heart missing, his endless search for her, his limitless tortures. The heaviness of my heart and body increased to such an extend that I started shivering, palpitating. With great struggle, I held back my tears and came back to my senses. But, that day was my day of transformation, the day of shedding my ego, the day I faced the pain of others, the day I realized I am not different from Lijo, we are the same, his pains are mine too, the day I felt oneness with everything and everyone.
With a mind full of unconditional love and affection I approached small little Lijo everyday in the evening. As if he could feel my genuineness, he came close to me as each day passed. He let me embrace him, cuddled in my arms like a sweet little puppy, the unmanageable, careless, spoiled boy became an embodiment of love to me. He sang for me, he plucked flowers for me, he studied to his level best for me. An unseen bond developed within us.
Finally, the day came when I completed my course and had to leave to Chennai for my job. There was no heaviness while parting Lijo. He too was composed. May be he had had enough from his life and this separation felt nothing to him compared to his other pains.He kept looking me as I walked away and smiled with a deep understanding that there really exists no farewell when the love is unconditional. Daily calls or daily visits are not required for siblings who have felt the oneness. Again the thought reiterated in my mind, he and I are one. And as he diminished as a spot in the vicinity of my eyes, I turned back with immense trust in him and in his life, my real teacher, my Lijo.
